bonus dad quotes funny

One time has asked, “You’re on twitter? “Eh, find another family”. – Martin Mull, 123. My dad is not real bright, but I love the guy. 52. 40. 114. 120. – Glenn Super, 17. 42. His response? At my wedding, when I tripped on my wedding dress and fell flat on my face, Dad said, “Don’t worry, you’ll do better next time.” – Melanie White, 64. It's mentally cleansing. You gotta love dads. My father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. I love how we don’t even need to say out loud that I’m your favorite child. Sesame Street smart.”. 104. Dad is a big Pokemon Go player. All fathers are intimidating because they’re fathers. Answers at the end. My Dad used to ask us to turn up the TV by saying “Make them people talk louder”. Most of the time I feel entirely unqualified to be a parent. – Rita Rudner, 9. Guns don’t kill people. – David Cousins, 70. 111. The bad news is that we already have two kids. My wife just let me know I’m about to become a father for the first time. Never take a job where you can be replaced by a bucket of sand. If you ever want to torture my dad, tie him up and right in front of him, refold a map incorrectly. Checking out at Walmart, my dad yells “Ok its time to get you back to the ward before they realize you got out.”, 44. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. It's like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes. – Connie Schultz, 11. 39. My dad used to say, always fight fire with fire, which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade. Daddy was more of a bitch than we initially thought. – Ryan Reynolds, 93. 6. I don’t have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

When I checked the gallery I saw a bunch of pictures of his forehead because he didn’t know the camera was on a selfie mode the whole time. I call these times being awake. Because, as moms everywhere truly believe, LOL = lots of love. 134. Sorry that mommy has to teach you how to be a man.

58. Rules for dating my daughter: get a job, understand I don’t like you, I’m everywhere, you hurt her I hurt you, be home 30 minutes early, get a lawyer, if you lied to me I will find out, she’s my princess, not your conquest, I don’t mind going back to jail, whatever you do to her I will do to you. 124. – Al Unser, 22. Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch. "My father left when I was three, and I have no memory of him. My dad said I’d never amount to anything. To be a successful father, there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.

Yes, I do have a beautiful daughter. So we know she’s sarcastic.

Watching “Chicken Run,” my dad suddenly exclaimed “Yeah, right.

I tease my kids. Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents. – George W. Bush, 47. If you want something, go get it. When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. 1: Dad is in charge.

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